Is she gonna be a nag, a hag or your true love?

Posted by on Friday, May 7, 2010    Print This Post Print This Post

What does her wine say about her character? Is she interesting and affectionate, or does she have a selfish streak as wide as the Mississippi? Take this quiz to find out!

1. Let’s talk grapes. She can tell you…

Funny anecdotes about the family who owns her favorite fourth-generation vineyard
The climate and temperature — down the the degree — at which her favorite grapes are harvested
That they are round

2. You take her to your favorite wine tasting room of all time. She...

Keeps interrupting the pourer to say “I know,” and lectures the couple next to you. You barely get a word in
Is so gracious and charming that the staff throws in an extra bottle for free — something they’ve never done for you
Chugs her tastings in huge gulps, then spends the rest of the time making catty comments about the staff — even if they are nice

3. How stressed does she get over stemware?

Break her favorite glass and she won’t talk to you for days
Will drink from plastic cups during picnics, but busts out the Riedel crystal glasses for all your favorite wines
Doesn’t really own any worth mentioning, actually

4. Uh-uh! You’re at a party and you’ve just been ambushed by a pack of wild wine snobs. How does she cope?

Cope?! She’s in her natural habitat
Humors them for a few minutes, and even sneaks in a few well-disguised jabs
Feigns ignorance about what they’re talking about (at least you hope it’s feigning) and then wanders away mid-sentence

5. While at this party, you leave…

When you give each other your nonverbal “signal.” You’ve gotten so good at it, it’s like watching an MLB coach communicate with a baserunner
Once all her girlfriends have left too
Not a moment before she’s ready

6. You both polished that bottle off fast! There’s only a half-inch of wine left. She...

Dumps the rest of it into her glass
Attempts to throw away the bottle with the wine still in it
Pours it into your glass

7. Her personality most closely matches…

A dark, turbulent Syrah — with tasting notes of tar, burned rubber, all the things that are, ahem, acquired tastes
A crowd-pleasing nonvintage sparkling wine — bubbly, fun, and can be enjoyed in great quantities without much thought. Although, you may end up with a headache the next morning
A silky Gruner Veltliner. Refreshing, but with a rich texture — and an edge

8. She’s cooking tonight, but she’s mad at you. The meal turns out to be:

Whatever was on the original menu — though she’ll pour extra wine into your glass and into her own, in hopes of starting negotiations
Microwaved leftovers and a glass full of cheap, cooking-grade wine
Knock, knock: Pizza’s here

9. If she were Wine Spectator, how would she rate you as a significant other?

48 one day, 99 the next. Even if you haven’t done anything...
You’ll fall in the 85-100 range in every category
She’ll ask what the highest score is, then say you’re basically perfect in everything

10. Her least favorite wine is…

The wine her ex used to drink, regardless of how it tastes
Anything too flavorful or complicated. Most wines, to be honest
Anything cheap and overly popular, even if you like it

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